The Hard Truth or Letting Go in Relationships

The Hard Truth or Letting Go in Relationships

Dating advice can come in handy, but it is not always welcomed. For example, sometimes it is time to let go, but nobody likes to hear that. Indeed, who has not seen a situation when one person has clearly stated their intention to cut off all contact, while the other party persists? The circumstances are exacerbated by the fact that if you do not want to talk to someone anymore, no matter how hard you try, if they still want to talk to you, then their feelings are likely to get hurt. Does that mean you should never cut people out of your life completely? The answer depends on how you view things, different people hold very diverse opinions on the subject.

Thus, to answer the question above, it is important to first determine who the person is to you. Is the person a close relation, a longtime friend, an acquaintance or a stranger? Because in today’s day and age of social media and social networking Websites, even strangers can get quite persistent in trying to salvage a relationship that never was, or is clearly not meant to be. For instance, I remember meeting a young woman who was so infatuated with the idea of a particular man she briefly met and barely knew, she became obsessed with him to the point of getting mentally ill over it. Surely, the fact of her infatuation was likely only a contributing factor of her illness, but the stories she made up, called erotomanic delusions, centred on that one man nonetheless.

A modern look of an ancient wisdom. Illustration by Elena

Extremes aside, it may be difficult to let go in relationships. Sometimes, even after very short periods of time. You may have met in a coffee shop once and briefly went over some mundane affairs, but nevertheless, you or the other person saw a deep connection and wanted to pursue the potential relationship further. Which gets me to the next phase of this short text, the awkward discussion of when it is considered to call or text or email too much. In general, what is calling too much? What is texting too much? Besides spammers and junk mail, what is emailing too much? Most would agree that if the other person is not a very close relation to you, then two unnswered communication attempts should prompt you to call it quits.

But is it easy? Right away two problems appear in such miscommunications or communication breakdowns: misunderstanding and being polite in order to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings. As a general rule, if you know you cannot be a good friend to another person, or their romantic partner and potential significant other, it seems better to let them know, in gentle terms, as soon as you become aware of the mismatch in needs and desires. Perhaps, this may come off as cruel to be kind, but is it not better to let the person know right away that you cannot (or simply do not want) to fulfill their relationship expectations early on, rather than letting them feel used after a while only to end up having the same conversation? In conclusion, treat others as you would like to be treated.