Grief Takes Time

Grief Takes Time

More often than not, grief takes much more time than society has been willing to allow.

We need to set our own pace for the journey. It might have seemed to someone looking on from the outside that we are walking in place, or even dragging our feet, for we are not ready to turn our attention to the future. But from inside the experience, we are moving as quickly as we can, covering enormous segments of land with a rapidity that used all our energy. Only I can know how much time I need to make each leg of the journey.

Only you can know how much time you need. Other people expect us to get "over it" in a relatively short time. However the intense reactions of grief may take years to resolve it.

We are all different. Not everyone goes through the identical process, and no one travels at the identical speed.

You have begun your journey. Sometimes it may seem that the road is too difficult and too long. You may be wondering if you will make to. The answer is: You can if you want to. Although that may not be the answer you expected or wanted, it is realistic.

The purpose of a grief process is to enable us to come to terms with our lost hopes and open our eyes to new ones.

Every time we experience a death or a loss, we confront a dragon. We have to choose whether to slay the dragon or  be vanquished by it.

While we can do nothing to change the fact of our loss, we can choose what we are going to do in the circumstances. Loss is inevitable, but recovery is optional.

The real question is: will we allow what has happened to force us into the role of victim, or aid us in becoming victorious? Every time we are willing to allow even the most adverse circumstances to move us deeper into discovering who we are, we slay the dragon.

Your mourning is helping you to come to the place where you can choose life. You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true.

Grief can be a challenging experience, but not more powerful than your ability to work your way through your many emotions. No one else knows how you fee.

Do not let anyone try to squeeze you into their expectations of what grief should be like. Express your grief in a way that is right for you.

No doubt you wish you could be over the pain and the hurt of your loss. You wish that you could just finish this grief process and move on. But you may have to work for it, however.