Dating Strategy

Dating Strategy

Most people want companionship, and ultimately, to find the love of their life or at least the right person. Not everyone is content to settle with Mr. (or Mrs.) Right Now and are looking for Mr. (or Mrs.) Right. However, the endeavour can be a complicated one. Many people complain that dating is hard and end up disappointed with potential candidates and failed relationships.

On the scientific side, oxytocin and vasopressin have been linked to long term bond formation. Alternatively, social psychologists explain attraction in various terms. For example, facial symmetry and a clear complexion seem preferred in most cultures because they are indicators of mental and physical health. Darwin’s principle of genetic selection and survival of the fittest seem at work here.

However, the present short article is about dating strategy. Perhaps, men and women who have little luck in the dating pool could use some of the strategies presented here to augment their chances to find their true love. Of course, no strategy guarantees success, but only those who never try anything new never make mistakes…

A successful Dating Strategy as a result. Photo by Elena

First, love is not a competition, despite many people calling dating “the dating game”. Experts advise to leave the is she/he smarter/more successful/hotter than me question at home. A better approach is to enjoy the way you compliment each other. Notwithstanding, social psychologists argue that like attracts like, and aside from simple proximity, people tend to choose mates based on likeness, often selecting those who are similar in intelligence, education, attractiveness and so on. But of course, as with most topics in behavioural science, the rule contains exceptions.

Another great advice about dating is to make room for a relationship. A lot of people are great at work and accord a lot of importance to other priorities in their life, like family, friends and hobbies, but spend too little time on finding the right person. Moreover, when you finally found your desired match make him or her feel that they too are important in your life. After all, most people may sense that they are too low on your priority list and give up. Good luck!

A lady. Illustration by Elena

Dating Strategies

We would all like to believe in love and that just being ourselves is enough to find that special someone to spend forever after with. But is it realistic? How realistic is it to believe that not only will you like the other person, but the other person will like you back, and overlook all your flaws and shortcomings, and fall madly, deeply in love with you. However, this does not mean that happily forever after and true love do not exist, it simply means that perhaps some effort is needed to find what you are looking for. After all, most people put a lot of effort into their job or employment and their education, so why not put effort into personal relationships as well?

Some people find that love gives them wings. Image: Megan Jorgensen (Elena)

Not to sound sexist and start segregating and looking for gender differences, but for women, efforts are multiple and start with the never ending dieting and working out, but of course men work out too. Women put on make up, do their hair, visit beauty salons and spas and get manicures and pedicures. Obviously, men, especially metrosexual men, take care of their appearance as well, minus the make up part. Nonetheless, a small proportion of gay men also use make up, so it is better not to generalize. But the purpose of the present article is far from describing which part of the population uses cosmetics and why, the point being made here is that in the dating game, and dating is becoming more and more of a game, it pays to have a strategy.

A majestic eagle with strong, large wings. Image: Megan Jorgensen (Elena)

Thus, many people look down on those who play hard to get. Instead, they say that communication and trust are the most important parts of a relationship and that by playing hard to get one eliminates trust, openness and transparency. But by the number of girlfriends who have called in the middle of the night crying over a recent break-up or a guy who is simply not interested after not much more than a date or two, it seems warranted to play hard to get after all. So, how does one play hard to get? Find out the answer here.

Playing Hard to Get Other Dating Strategies

To pick up on an alternative entry reviewing dating sites, what do you actually do once you finally met someone? Psychologists may advise trust and open communication, but pick up artists have a whole other set of tricks. Clearly, you do not want to be a ruthless player and heartless pick up artist if your goal is eventually to form a meaningful, long-term relationship with another person who has become the object of your desire.

However, completely opening up and being too available from the beginning may seem an unwarranted strategy. You may come off as boring and as possessing other undesirable qualities your date or potential prospect will soon discover and perhaps look for a more skillfull in the dating game candidate. Because dating is a game, whether you want to acknowledge that or not, everybody plays some games in the beginning when first starting to date someone.

The dating game has its pitfalls and rewards. Image: Megan Jorgensen (Elena)

Indeed, appearing too available seems to be a turn off for many people. Some people get very upset when you tell them that, especially if they just missed out on a relationship. I say missed out because often then relationship could have worked if only the right moves were done by both parties, but not in every case, obviously. Sometimes it is just not meant to be and there are no foolproof strategies for those types of cases.

Still, good things do come to those who wait. As they say, there is someone out there for everyone. Regardless, it is important to keep things interesting, but also to find the person that is right for you. By right for you, I do mean the unpleasant reality of not out of your league. While it is good to keep a positive attitude and hopeful outlook, not everyone goes after persons who correspond to them by such and such traits. Interestingly enough, psychologists tend to agree that couples tend to be similar in traits such as attractiveness, education, social status and so on. Of course, there are exceptions but it seems important to keep the rule in mind in order to avoid disappointment.

Birds of a feather, flock together. Image: Megan Jorgensen (Elena)

But what about keeping things interesting? One must not only not make oneself too available, but also keep some mystery. Likewise, it is very important that the budding relationship is equal from the start. In the sense that, if the same person always does the inviting, or the chasing, then that fails to look good for the other party. As for playing hard to get, just make sure you always leave your potential partner (or partner) wanting more, do not let them get bored of you.

Brides. Photo by Elena