Lindsay - Chapter XIV

Lindsay – Chapter 14

Lindsay liked her first job in many years. She had finally found employment after a very long search. She sent out so many resumes and had passed so many interviews that she had almost given up. She even tried to be a grocery clerk despite having a bachelor degree. But they didn’t hire her. Now she was a waitress. The atmosphere at the place she worked at was tense, with a low salary and some harassment, but the tips were fine. She gained hope that she would eventually get a better job after gaining some experience. Of course, she wanted an office job in a corporate environment, but that seemed almost impossible and unavailable.

Most civilized countries today have laws against harassment at work. Anyone who has ever been sexually or otherwise harassed at work or elsewhere knows how unpleasant and even threatening that could be. But the line between harassment and expressing an attraction or even feelings remains in some cases thin. Thus, interestingly, Lindsay felt harassed at first when a coworker started hitting on her. However, as time went buy she took a liking to the guy and agreed to go on a date. To Lindsay’s great surprise, the date was an incredible success.

Lindsay's Petunia flowers. Photo by Elena

The guy was a real gentleman and brought a beautiful flower bouquet comprised of roses, lilies and daisies. Then, they went to a fancy restaurant and had a succulent meal. He then drove her home and tried to kiss her although she was not ready to even kiss on a first date, so she turned away. He respected her decision.

The next day he texted and called her in the morning, but not too early. Incidentally, they both worked evening shifts and slept in in the morning. She considered that a perk of her job. Indeed, every job has its ups and downs. Working as a waitress may not sound too glamorous (although it certainly depends on the restaurant or bar one works at!) but there were many good sides, like generous tippers and not having to wake up at six in the morning. The commute to work took more or less forty minutes, so she had to take the subway and then a bus, but it was a nice, respectable establishment and now she also made a new very special friend.

See also:

• Lindsay - Chapter XV
• Lindsay - Table of contents

Wedding in green... Photo by Elena

Lindsay's Losses. Photo by Elena

Lindsay - Chapter XV

Lindsay – Chapter XV

Today was a holiday, Lindsay did not have to work. Lindsay woke up at six in the morning and could not go back to sleep. She stayed in bed until ten. When she finally got up, she wondered why she just laid there thinking negative thoughts. Her problems kept weighting her down, as well she felt extremely guilty about her house burning. She knew it was not her fault, but could not shake the feeling off.

On the work side of her life Lindsay was preoccupied by another matter. Shortly after starting, her boss started to hit on her. At first, she felt harassed, but after a while and getting to know her supervisor she took a liking to him. Lindsay had been single for a while, and she thought that having a relationship would be a good idea at the moment. Her boss treated her with love and respect, so she was happy.

However, it played on her job security. She was wondering whether she could still work there if it failed to work between them, or if he stopped liking her.

Lindsay's Rose and White flower. Photo by Elena

Today was a special day for Lindsay. She finally decided to go see a doctor. She only worked from Wednesday through Saturday, so she didn’t have to ask for time off.

She arrived at the clinic early, much earlier than scheduled. She had to wait, so she waited for a long time. She read magazines, paying more attention to colourful images than actual articles.

Finally, her turn arrived and she saw the doctor. She told the doctor about her preoccupations, her anxiety and even some panic attacks. The doctor, a beautiful leggy blonde, responded that Lindsay needs to pass some tests, such as to check her thyroid gland, to rule out any possibilities that the problems had a physical cause. Lindsay passed all the tests the same day at the clinic’s laboratory. Now she had to wait some more.

Her tests arrived in a couple of weeks, they were very good. So the doctor advised that Lindsay see a psychiatrist, so she referred her patient to a mental health professional. Seeing a psychiatrist was completely new for Lindsay, so she felt uneasy. Mostly, she was afraid of labels, like being judged and labelled as crazy.

See also:

• Lindsay - Chapter XVI
• Lindsay - Table of contents

Radiant girls. Photo by Elena

Lindsay's Wolf looking at the Moon. Photo by Elena

Lindsay - Chapter XVI

Lindsay - Chapter XVI

A month went by since Lindsay found her job as a waitress. By now she knew everybody and, as always, some people liked while others did not. For example, one waiter completely ignored her. He never said hi or talked to her whatsoever. Lindsay was the kind of person for whom it was very important to get along with everybody, so she paid close attention to this seemingly unimportant detail and felt rejected. Her newly found psychiatrist told her that it was part of her depression, otherwise she would focus on the positive sides of her work and on the people who liked her (and that was almost everybody).

In regards to focusing on the positive instead of the negative, psychologists have found an explanation by conducting studies. For example, abnormal psychology, the branch of the social science that deals with dysfunction and mental health, dictates that in depression there appears to be selective attention. People with the condition tend to concentrate on the negative and forego the positive. A characteristic of depression, or Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), seems to be loss of self-esteem. Again, psychologists have found that people with low self-esteem tend to notice more frowning faces in an array of smiling faces to a greater degree than people with high self-esteem. According to the researchers, the finding meant that people with a negative self-image tend to expect more judgement and rejection from others than people with a positive self-image.

Lindsay's dundelion flowers.

Today Lindsay woke up very tired. She did not feel like going to work, but she knew she had to. She even thought about calling in sick, but she changed her mind quickly. First of all, today was payday. Second, she had only worked three days this week, while she usually worked four shifts per week. So she got ready and left. But she was in for a surprise…

She was serving patrons when the most handsome gentleman walked in. She had to stop herself from staring. What’s more, he was sitting in her section, so naturally she went over to take his order. She was amazed by his polite, but flirtatious demeanor. He tipped her really well and in a very shy way asked her if he could have her number. Of course, she was delighted that he did. She gave him her number and he left, while she continued to work. His name was Brandon and he was as charming as he was handsome. He called her in the evening and asked her out. Even though she was really interested, she declined. She believed in playing hard to get. She was old enough to know that being too easy would quickly bore the other person.

She saw romance and dating as a game and she wanted to be and remain a challenge. Ideally, she would propose an alternative such as joining her with her girlfriends, or group of friends, but since she was a loner she had none. She started to think whether a relationship was even possible due to her lack of friends. She knew some people would be quite turned off by such a state of affairs.

See also:

• Lindsay - Chapter XVII
• Lindsay - Table of contents

Meditation. Illustration by Elena

Lindsay's own things.

Lindsay – Chapter XVII

Lindsay – Chapter XVII

After refusing a couple of dates, Lindsay finally went to a romantic rendez-vous with Brandon. Like a true gentleman, he picked her up at her home. At first she gave it some serious thought. She didn’t necessarily want someone who was still a stranger to know where she lived. But they had been talking for a while on the phone, so she felt like they knew each other somewhat.

So the day of their romantic date finally came… Lindsay took her time to get ready, it took her at least two hours. Getting ready seems much longer for women than for men. For example, Lindsay had to do her hair and put on her make-up, which was a routine that lasted a while. On the other hand, men can simply put on some gel and they’re pretty much ready to go. It was time, Brandon called her. He was downstairs. She went to meet him.

When she arrived downstairs, her heart skipped a beat. Brandon looked gorgeous. He was wearing a suit by Versace. He was driving a Maybach, her favourite car. Lindsay was difficult to impress… But she was impressed this time around.

Lindsay's blue flowers. Photo by Elena

Obviously, he had made reservations in one of the best restaurants in the city. She had never been there. Sure she was impressed, but she remained cautious. She didn’t yet know this man’s intentions. So, she wasn’t ready to fall in love.

Falling in love is a process. No need to rush it. Interestingly, it happens naturally but can be stopped. Indeed, there is a way to stop yourself from falling for someone. However, no matter how hard one tries, most people will experience heartbreak at least once in their lives.

The date was a success. The restaurant was perfect. Both in terms of food and service. The atmosphere was awesome as well. After dinner Brandon drove Lindsay home.

See also:

• Lindsay - Chapter XVIII
• Lindsay - Table of contents

Leading the world. Illustration by Elena

Lindsay's Places far away. Photo by Elena

Lindsay - Chapter XVIII

Lindsay – Chapter XVIII

Lindsay always wanted to become an accountant. However, it was a lot easier to say than to do… In order to become an accountant, she had to go back to university and earn another degree. The degree she had was in Fine Arts and it was pretty much useless to her. What could she do with a Fine Arts degree? The problem was that she changed her mind about being an artist halfway through her undergraduate years… too many starving artists she thought.

But because she lost interest and also because of the tragedy that happened to her, she got bad grades in university. Of course with a low GPA (grade point average) her chances to eventually become, for example, an accountant were slim to none. So in between of crying over all the photographs which burned away, she was considering getting a certificate. She could get one at a private college or at the continuing education faculty of a renown university. Most continuing education departments had lower standards of admission than the strict requirements for enrolling in an actual degree…

Lindsay's old flowers. Photo by Elena

She knew she had to go back to school to get the necessary skills to land a better job. She felt like she was wasting her time as a waitress with a B.A. (bachelor of arts). She asked the other waitresses and waiters about their education and found out that she was the only one to have graduated from university.

On the personal side of her life, she and Brandon moved fairly quickly into being girlfriend and boyfriend. He even told her that he loved her, but she said nothing in return. She did not believe him as it was way too soon, according to her and common sense, to use such a strong word. She believed feelings took time to develop and she also thought that she was better off keeping her guard up.

See also:

• Lindsay - Table of content

Young Lindsay. Illustration by Elena

Lindsay's Farewell. Photo by Elena