Conversation Starters

Conversation Starters

Getting to know someone is the first step to building a relationship. Of course, the process involves mutual self-disclosure and conversation. Interestingly, if you disclose much more than the other person, you might make them feel uncomfortable.

Other times we simply need to make small talk. To avoid awkward silences, to be sociable and friendly, to establish a rapport or connection… Some people are extroverts, outgoing and talkative by nature. Others, introverts, are more reserved.

So what are possible discussion subjects? The following text attempts to shed light on this important social skill. For example, below is what NYC psychologist Melissa Jeswald shares on the topic:

A way to remember conversation starters:

FORD.

It’s an acronym for:

• Family
• Occupation
• Recreation
• Dreams

The theory states that you should start by asking the person about their family. The suggestion is questionable, as many people may consider such inquiries too personal when first meeting someone. Occupation presents another problem, since it makes people think about work and stress, and people want to relax and forget their chores for at least some of the time.

Converstaion. Photo by Elena

The psychologist proposes that FORD is a simple formula that keeps the conversation about the other person. According to the social scientist, showing interest in the other person will make you likeable. However, psychology is not mathematics. Psychology is a social science, and as social sciences tend to go, arguments abound.

Of course, there are undeniable truths to the concepts outlined by Melissa Jeswald. For example, preaching any sort of lifestyle is the wrong way to go. Also, it is important to avoid statements or discussing issues that might be offensive to your conversation partner. Moreover, talking about exes and past relationships is likewise considered off the table.

She also advises that the main point to remember is to show interest in other individuals. Indeed, social psychologists have documented that persons become friends based on mutual interests, among other things. Level of intelligence and requited liking are also factors.

Lately, the education system has intensively focused on extraversion. In a way, introverts are punished because of the amount of team work popular in today’s schools, whether elementary, high school, vocational, undergraduate, graduate and so on. So, it recommendable to pick up some more social skills and perhaps venture outside one’s comfort zone and try to be a little more gregarious, at least for introverts.