A Distant Affray

A Distant Affray

By Roger Ormerod (excerpt)

… He asked, then, where I was calling from. I explained that it was a weekend course at an adult residential college. He asked how far away and I told him just over a hundred miles, and he said just as well but he didn’t blame me, and was it a dirty weekend? I said it hadn’t worked out like that, so far, but there was still time. One has to pretend to a certain amount of nonchalance in these situatons, don’t you think? But really, I was too exhausted. We hung up as friends.

This was not the end of it, but fortunately no more phoning was involved, as I was running out of change. I don’t know whether you noticed, sir, but I was missing for a large part of Saturady evening. The local police sent a car for me, and they ran me down to the station. Another inspector. Wales has some veery pleasant policmen, I find. We chatted. He explained that my wife was at that moment in custody, charged with grievous bodily harm inflicted with a deadly weapon, to wit, one shotgun. I had to admit that I’d forgotten to mention I owned such a weapon. He tutted a little, shaking his head, then told me that Madge was expected to recover, but the word was, from the hospital, that Colin would have no future practical use for his cottage. He raised his eyebrows at me and asked me whether she was usually that violent.

I shook my head. My opinion, which I expressed, was that some things must have provoked her, though I couldn’t imagine what that might have been, but the circumstances hadn’t been normal, had they?

Distant Affray. Photo by Elena

He cleared his throat and said no, they weren’t normal for Wales – men shooing one woman out of their bed just in time to take another woman to their cottage. Not in Wales. I detected a certain amount of envy in his voice.

I asked for Jason. He was being cared for by the lady next door on the left, I was assured. That would be Tina, a most attractiv widow with a sense of humour.

My wife phoned this morning. She is out on bail and staying at a quiet hotel, for her nerves. Tina is taking some of her things along and will tell her I’ve recovered from the experience. My wife tells me she has seen a solicitor about divorce proceedings, and doesn’t expect me to contest it. She sounded doubtful and tentative, but I’m sure Tina will encourage her to accept that divorce is the best solution. I’m to have have custody of Jason.

(Ellery Queen, Mystery Magazine, September 1993)

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