After the Loss

After the Loss

Do not beat yourself up emotionally. Don't torture yourself with regrets and "if only's".

Build in some time to play each day. Do what you want to do, without worrying what other people may or may not be thinking or expecting you to do.  Feel free to be spontaneous, to laugh and have fun.

Laughter  us good for your health.  Humour is an important tool in handling your grief. But we often feel guilty  if we have fun. We have the impression that to laugh or to enjoy ourselves too quickly is somehow dishonoring to the memory of our loved one.

Always remember to ask yourself what you would want your loved one to do if you had died.

You  may find it surprisingly difficult to go back to work, to face friends, or to attend your place of worship. You may think that people are regarding you differently, perhaps feeling sorry for you.

It is important not to shut yourself away. Relationships are healthy, and especially so after a loss.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people. The death may have meant not only the end of the relationship, but also the death of many of your hopes and dreams. The death of someone you care about can challenge some some long held beliefs about the way life should be.

If you are invited to a party, a wedding, or indeed any social function, go. To easy the pressure, however, leave a way to escape by saying: I'd live to attend, but I've been going through a grieving time. If I decide not to come at the last minute, would you understand?

Even after you arrive you can say: I'm happy to have been invited, but if I find I'm becoming too emotional, I know you'll understand if I excuse myself. Friends will understand.

Bereavement can shale and challenge your entire belief system. For those who have a faith in God, loss can bring a critical turning point in that faith.

You may feel angry that God has not answered your prayers, and question why He allowed this to happen. You way wonder what is the purpose in all this.

Many do not have  a faith in God, yet their beliefs about life itself may be affected by the death. Life is not always fair. 

In the days ahead you will need to work through many issues. Remember, there are no easy answers. Faith enables us to accept what we may not understand. (Tools used to make and repair carriages, wheels and various other agriculture tools.)

Certain days can create a heightened sense of loss, and grief attacks are more likely to occur. On such occasions as a birthday or an anniversary, a wedding or a funeral, during seasonal holidays or simply the "a year ago today" days you may experience a heightened sense of missing the person.

To experience grief is to acknowledge that you have loved someone, and now that they are gone, you are feeling the loss. To experience grief is to acknowledge that you are human.