Roommates You Can Live With

Roommates You Can Live With

Best friends don't always make good dorm mates says a new study

It is often said that only half of a college education takes places in the classroom. The other half is neither taught by professors, nor tested until after graduation. Part of that preparation for the real world is learning to live with roommates.

Studies by Charles Hulick, a professor of educational psychology at Kentucky's Murray State University, suggests that many of the assumptions that college administrators have used to match up roommates may be faulty. Hulick found, for instance, that sharing similar personalities and values, two factors which housing officers (and marriage counselors) have traditionally considered important for happy communal living, in fact mean very little. The strongest predictor of dormitory contentment is agreement on the subject of visitors, Hulick discovered. Those who share similar views on having friends in the room are the most likely to be compatible roommates. Other obvious but often overlooked clues as to whether a match will work include (in order of importance) the students' views on the use of alcohol, bed-time preferences, the sharing of belongings, and the amount of time spent studying in the room.

Pairing a morning person with a night owl is asking for trouble, Hulick believes. The difference in their body clocks is likely to make communication between them difficult, he argues. Smoking habits and attitudes toward neatness can also be important sources of friction.

Several colleges are taking Hulick's research to heart. For instance, the University of Californaia at Los Angeles is using a computer program to group students by behavioral similarities. The program ensures that all members or a rooming cluster share similar views on smoking and drinking habits and sleep and study patters. Once these basic determinations have been made, the university attempts to bring together students with common interests. Students may elect “theme houses” and “theme floors” that are especially oriented to “quiet”, “fitness and well-living”, or the “great outdoors”, to name just a few.

Roommates. Photo by Elena

Not all colleges are as sophisticated as UCLA about roommate placement, however. Some still pair students alphabetically, for instance. Whatever the policy, Hulick has this advice for new roommates:

Talk to your roommate: You need not agree on everything to get along. Compromise is the key. Try to discuss issues before deciding to live together. If selection is beyond your control, set some ground rules before problems arise.

Go ahead and argue if you can't discuss an issue rationally. Roommates who attempt to ignore gripes and stifle grievances usually end up fuming and finally boiling over. They also report the highest move-out rate.

Remember that your roommate need not be your best friend. You can have a good relationship without being soulmates. Women tend to expect that their college roommate will be an intimate friend, while men are less disappointed when a close personal relationship fails to flourish. Mutual affection is less critical than mutual behaviors and preferences. In fact, a history of friendship may prevent the kind of honest communication that is necessary for roommates to coexist.

Use tact in voicing gripes: In Hulick's study, male roommates were found to be more comfortable than women discussing complaints, but they have a tendency to divorce tact from candor. Sincere discussions benefits everyone, bruised, feeling get roommates nowhere.