Assigned Residence

Location: Assigned residence, Etyakt region

Only Human by Sylvain Neuvel

I'm a scientist. I find beauty in absolutes. I love the clarity of math, its unwavering dependability. Math will never say one thing and do another one. It will never harm you on purpose because its only purpose is truth. On Esat Ekt, I found that same clarity, that perspicuity, that is so lacking in people on Earth. I found it not because it was there but because I was searching for it. I saw faces in the clouds. I found what I was looking for here because I brought it with me. I know that now. I also know I'm a hypocrite. I marveled at their idealism, applauded them for not wanting to share knowledge with us, but but I lied to them to get the, to teach me. I lied to them to try to save Eugene. I admired their principles so long as the didn't apply to me.

Eugene passed away last night, and when he did, there was nothing gained, nothing achieved. He just died. In the grand scheme of things, it didn't mean anything. The universe will go on without him as it would have with him. The Ekt will see his death as nature following its course. They won't pat themselves on the back for letting him die. There is no malice in them. They watched Eugene die with humility and respect, like we watch the leaves turn to red in the fall. They choose to see the world in a way that gives their life meaning. They choose. It is a choice.

Assigned residence. Picture by Elena.

What do I choose?

There was a church across from my apartment in Chicago. In the summer, I would watch through the window while grooms greeted their guests at the door. I watched newlyweds leave while everyone cheered. Some left me indifferent and lost my interest before they made it down the steps. Some didn't. The way they smiled or looked at each other. That ignorant bliss, or the moment of doubt when they thought, and I wished with all my heart it would be a good one. It felt... intimate somehow, sharing theses precious moments with complete strangers. But it wasn't. I watched through the window. It never occurred to me to get out of my apartment and wish them luck in person. It would have been presumptuous. It was their wedding. I wasn't invited, and I didn't want to be.

That is the way of the Ekt. I only now truly understand it. They watch other worlds through a window. Eugene's death was unfortunate – the bride falling down the stairs – but it wasn't their place to save him. It would have been presumptuous. I can't bring myself to hate him. There is a certain nobility to the way they look at things. Only this time, I was there. I was invited. I couldn't watch my friend die because there was no window to watch it through, and I couldn't bear the reality of it. I lost my friend. I hurt, and that hurt is as real as anything I've seen or touched. There is no objectivity. Everything is perspective.