Elena's Legacy. Texts written by Elena, excerpts from texts she liked, her artworks.

Thursday, December 26, 2019

Lindsay - Chapter IX

Lindsay – Chapter IX

Lindsay was feeling more and more depressed, so she turned to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). The academic literature praises the therapy and shows that in conjunction with antidepressant medication, CBT is more effective at fighting depression than medication alone. CBT rests on the premise that our thoughts influence our emotions. Thus, the same negative event may trigger different emotional responses in different people, thus leading to distinct behaviours. Lindsay had found a Website about CBT and was now analyzing her own thoughts, emotions and behaviours.

The Website had many quizzes and much information on the scores. Also, one of the exercises involved thinking about a situation when one felt inadequate. Lindsay immediately thought about one particular interview during her job search. She went to many interviews that failed to lead to jobs, but that one interview specifically left her feeling like her whole job search was pointless. However, the Website she was now on, explained that people react differently precisely to these types of situations…

Lindsay's Red flower. Photo by Elena

For example, Lindsay completely blamed herself and felt like a failure. She then thought that things will always stay the same and that she lacked any opportunities to find another job. Notwithstanding, CBT teaches that reactions like hers may lead to negative mood and even depression in some cases. The Website even had an article about how depression may be linked to a pervasive pattern of self-blame, guilt and self-deprecation that has gone on for years.

Psychologists also have a theory about internal and external attributes. When something negative happens, such as failing an exam, a person may attribute the failure to internal (“I’m a bad student” “I’m stupid”) or external (“the test was really hard” “I was unprepared because I had a long shift at work”) circumstances. Thus, internal attributions often leave very little space for hope. And without hope comes despair and misery.

See also:

The worries. Illustration by Elena

Lindsay's exhibition. Photo by Elena

Lindsay Chapter X

Lindsay – Chapter X

Lindsay wanted to go back to school, but she had no idea what subject to take. She had graduated in Fine Arts, but that did not lead her to a job. Sometimes, it seemed to her that all employers wanted was references and experience. However, she had neither. She had had a couple of jobs, but quit all of them, so not only her resume was filled with gaps, she did not have good relationships with any of her former supervisors. A lawyer she knew from a job she held as a receptionist (which she was overqualified for) advised her to just put her educational achievements and say that she studied all this time, so that employers did not view her as a job-hopper.

She thought about studying finance because she felt that it could lead her to more lucrative and serious jobs. However, she was not sure she was up to the challenge. Finance required a great deal of calculations, and although she was good at mathematics, she did not believe in her ability to actually graduate with a Bachelor of Commerce with Finance as a major.

Lindsay's Pale Pink flowers. Photo by Elena

Besides, she knew two people who ended up with the same collector jobs who had very different backgrounds. One guy who had graduated with a Bachelor of Commerce with a Finance major, and one girl who was an illegal immigrant and did not even finish college. She failed to understand how that was possible.

Besides, she saw in that reasons to not go back to school. At this point, she just wanted to find a job, any job. But, even though she applied to every staffing agency she knew of and did independent searches by herself, all she could find were entry-level jobs in sales. She was comfortable with entry-level employment, but she didn’t want to work in outbound sales (telemarketing) and that seemed to be the only available jobs for her.

See also:

Soul of a child. Illustration by Elena

Lindsay's Elf

Lindsay - Chapter XI

Lindsay woke up at 7:30. She always woke up early, even on Sundays and falling back asleep seemed impossible. She considered that to be a positive thing, since that meant that waking up at 6:00 would be an easier transition if she finally found a job. She lived in a big city and traveling a long distance to work appeared to be a given. However, this Tuesday morning was different from the rest of the week, or even weeks and months before.

She woke up happy and hopeful. The main reason behind such a change in mood was that the day before she had applied to as many companies as she could. Because she had been largely unsuccessful in her job search she found a place providing employment services. The organization did not provide placement, but they helped in terms of resume writing, interview skills and by directing to job opportunities.

Lindsay's Fuсhsia flowers.

Thus, she had followed their advice and was confident that they could greatly help her in her job search efforts. She applied to most of the job advertisements they had sent her, and then went on to her independent job search. She applied to many banks and insurance companies, she noted that the application itself took quite a bit of time with all the lines to fill out and questions to answer. She had heard from a show she saw on TV that it was very difficult to get a job at a big company, at least in terms of time.

Indeed, big companies usually looked (and verified) at least two references; in addition, to performing a background check for criminal records and credit problems. Luckily, she had no criminal record, but her credit was far from perfect. Also, the only jobs she had had in the past were short-term contract ones, so she did not have any positive references per se.

See also:

Loneliness. Illustration by Elena

Lindsay's Plans. Illustration by Elena

Lindsay - Chapter XII

Lindsay – Chapter XII

Lindsay’s efforts were rewarded as she found a job. The job was far from what she hoped for since she wanted to be an executive assistant and instead found a job as a waitress. However, at least she found a job and could now begin to pay her bills on her own. The job was part-time, she only worked four days a week, from 11:30 in the morning to 7:30 at night. Somewhat odd hours, somewhat odd days, not the job she was hoping for given her psychology degree, but still a job – something to rely on.

One less thing to worry about. Now, she had another preoccupation – finding a different, less expensive apartment and organizing her move. As mentioned before she didn’t have a lot of things, but the furniture she needed disassembling and assembling and she also lacked boxes to pack her things. She knew that there were full service movers, but she still had not found them and that was making her nervous. She was mad at herself for throwing all her assembly instructions, why would she do that? Didn’t she know that she would only stay in that apartment temporarily? She should have known.

Lindsay's pine. Photo by Elena

She sat looking at the window and thought about worldly matters. How everything seemed so complicated to some people, yet so easy for others. She thought about her volunteering experience which gave her little more than some… well, experience. What’s more, she couldn’t even use that work as a reference since the place she volunteered at, given the conditions under which she worked did not allow for a professional evaluation. When she found that out she felt that she had wasted her time.

When she started volunteering at this place, she thought that it would help her CV and even get her a placement job, but neither happened. The problem with these organizations that advertise as helping people is that they rarely really live up to expectations, at least most of them since there are exceptions.

See also: