Elena's Legacy. Texts written by Elena, excerpts from texts she liked, her artworks.

Thursday, December 26, 2019

Lindsay – Chapter I

She sat calmly on the bench, contemplating the wonders of nature. The day was beautiful, it was mid-July, warm and sunny. Lindsay loved and appreciated the summer, as do many people, especially Northerners. She had lived in Canada for over 10 years, but was still unaccustomed to the cold winters, even though she came from a country that had cold winters too. She was born in London, United Kingdom.

Playing on her iPhone, she was almost addicted to downloading apps to her smartphone, she noticed a message from Martin. All the text message said was “Hi”. She liked Martin quite a bit, but those kind of messages irritated her immensely. The way she saw it was “either you write something substantial, or nothing at all”. However, there is nothing inherently wrong about writing “hi”, it’s just like saying “hi” before starting a conversation, but Lindsay differed from her peers in many ways.

Lindsay's blue and red flowers. Photo by Elena.

Physically she was your typical college student. Natural light brown hair, average height and weight, and deep blue eyes covered by glasses. She had contacts, but wore her glasses as a sign of achievement because it reminded her of all the books she read and all the hours she spent in front of a computer. She had two computers and three laptops, a good mix of Macs and PCs. Only one computer and her MacBook Pro still worked, but she held on to the rest, they had sentimental value and she was a bit of a hoarder.

But to get back to Martin’s message, she chose to simply ignore it. First, she knew he was going to attempt to communicate with her again, and second he was not the guy she anxiously waited to write to her, that gentleman’s name was Patrick. She had plenty of guy friends, but was not so secretly in love with Patrick. He knew, but he just didn’t care, as he was in love with Simone, an exchange student from France.

Lindsay in her dreams. Illustration by Elena

Lindsay – Chapter II

Lindsay felt lonely. The kind of loneliness the heartbroken feel. The kind of loneliness a person feels even when surrounded by friends and family but still lovesick, and missing the object of their desire and affection. Many believe that only pets can give unconditional love and affection, yet many believe in true love. True love is very hard to find because in the game of life, very often love goes unrequited. Lindsay didn’t want to believe that, despite all evidence to the contrary. She saw a movie once, and the protagonist said “you always love the person who loves you”. Nonetheless, in the real world, things are often quite contrary and people reject those who love them and seek the unattainable.

Lindsay's flower. Photo by Elena

Psychologically speaking, social psychologists point to the fact that even though the saying goes “falling in love”, we always get attached to someone of higher social status; and, that person is also attracted to someone perceived in some way superior to them. Thus, the dating game is nearly impossible to win. But what about marriages? The answer is simple when you look at divorce rates, without overlooking the fact that many couples stay together because they share assets, a business or a house… People also often choose to stay together because of the children, to whom parental divorce may be quite difficult.

Lindsay knew all this, but regardless could not forget Patrick. She texted him now and then, but rarely got a response at all, and if she did it was a cold and dry answer. The kind of answer someone annoying gets. Still, Lindsay pursued the object of her desire, despite understanding that her feelings went unrequited. As mentioned in the first chapter, Lindsay was very different from her peers. She was a loner, quiet and mostly kept to herself. She never went to parties and her best friend was her dog. Her parents worried about her lack of social life, but she had been like that since she was a toddler and they felt that there was nothing they could do.

A cosmic elf. Illustration by Elena

A pen. Photo by Elena

Lindsay - Chapter III

Lindsay – Chapter III

In order to not confuse the reader, Lindsay had guy friends, but they were mostly guys who wanted more than friendship, like Martin. Lindsay didn’t trust any of them because she considered their friendship fake. False pretense friendship or fair-weather acquaintances at best. Sometimes she fantasized about meeting someone new and give up her fruitless pursuit of Patrick, but it’s not like she could attend a social function with a guy friend and meet a new guy that way. She was too well-mannered for that. Or maybe just too shy.

She had spent most of her Saturday at the park readings books and journal articles, and now was approaching home. She lived in a small apartment near the train tracks, but she was unemployed for a while so even though the rent was cheap compared to the city’s average, she still struggled. When she arrived, Martin was waiting for her on the doorstep of the building; it was not the first time he did that but she did not considered him a stalker. She liked the attention and she liked him, she also never directly asked him to stop communicating with her. She thought of Martin as the perfect gentleman who would easily respect her wishes had she expressed the want to be left alone.

Lindsay's violet flower. Photo by Elena

Martin – You never replied to my message?

Lindsay – I wanted to, but then I changed my mind.

Martin – May I come in?

Lindsay – Yes, of course.

He was obviously and openly glad that she let him in. In fact, he was a bit worried that she may take it the wrong way and get mad at him. He did not want to be perceived as a stalker, especially to Lindsay. She was very important to him, he treasured their friendship, even though he wanted much more than just being friends, he wanted to be her boyfriend. She knew that, but her heart belonged to another, another who wanted none of it.

Lindsay as a Lady. Photo by Elena

Lindsay's witches. Illustration by Elena

Lindsay - Chapter IV

Lindsay – Chapter IV

She invited Martin in and discovered he brought some good wine. He always had a gift for her. If only she liked him in a romantic way, they could form a magnificent and happy couple. But she didn’t. Martin was an engineer at the beginning of his career, while Patrick was a successful businessman. Sometimes, Lindsay wondered if her feelings were directed by some manipulative calculation. She seemed to always fall for successful men, and that made her doubt her own sincerity. But again, social psychology predicts this kind of mentality. On the one hand, she dreamt of a special bond but also of a trouble-free life with Patrick; on the other hand, Patrick saw her as a simple flick evolving into an annoying nuisance.

But tonight was no night to think about heartbreak and dating strategy, it was Saturday night and Lindsay and Martin were both in the mood to celebrate. So, they opened the bottle of wine and started celebrating. Both talked a lot and learned a lot about each other. They went over their childhoods and teenage years and had a good laugh.

Lindsay's yellow flower. Photo by Elena

Although as the night progressed, the true agenda of Martin became clearer. He tried to kiss her and not only did she move away, it spoiled the mood. She blamed him for ruining the atmosphere. She also blamed herself for being so naive. Once again, she just wanted a friend to talk to and ended up in the awkward situation of fighting off someone’s unwanted advances.

He apologized and left, more sad than angry. She was definitely not as much into him as he was into her. She felt depressed. She started thinking about her life. Her apartment was very small, she was unemployed and the man she deemed the love of her life did not even like her as a friend.

In the mood to celebrate. Photo by Elena

Lindsay's music. Photo by Elena

Lindsay - Chapter V

Lindsay – Chapter V

Lindsay sat on her couch and turned on the TV. They had watched a couple of movies, but she far preferred TV shows. She felt bored and all of a sudden started to cry. She was beginning to realize that her life was not at all what she hoped for herself when she was a little girl. As a child she wanted to become an actress and also an astrophysicist. Two very different fields, indeed. Nevertheless, she studied Art History in university, which has not done much for her career. She had held multiple jobs after graduation, but they were all clerical, administrative support or customer service related. Years after graduation she had less than two months of experience in her own field. And now she had been unemployed for such a long time that she was starting to give up.

She sent her resumes to several places, but to no avail. Sometimes she got call-backs, but the only interviews she actually got were with staffing agencies or with one company that wanted her to do a whole day of job shadowing as an interview. She was open to the idea, but it was in outbound calls and that was something she didn’t want to do.

Lindsay's sakura flowers. Photo by Elena

Mostly because she was very shy. She always felt like she was bothering the people she called, and she was surprised that applying for a position of Administrative Assistant she was redirected to a cold-calling assignment. In addition, some people at a centre where she volunteered advised her that it was most likely a company that simply wanted free labour. Again, she was not so much bothered with that (she was after all a volunteer), but the outbound calls were not something she was comfortable with.

Drinking what was left of the wine, she became more and more depressed. She feared she was going crazy. She was also very sad because an apartment that she used to live in burned down. She remained uninjured but all her belongings, as well as precious memories, vanished in the fire. The feeling that there was nothing that she could do about that weighed heavily on her.

The feelings. Illustration by Elena

Lindsay's cat. Photo by Elena