Lindsay – Chapter VIII
Lindsay started crying again. She was quite unstable lately. She wondered if she should listen to her doctor and take antidepressants. But then she remembered that all medication had side effects. She also knew that some medication reducing anxiety was addictive. She was afraid of that too. In her younger years she took a lot of drugs.
When she was 17-20 years old she experimented with various substances, including ecstasy, pure MDMA, speed (amphetamine) cocaine, crack and cannabis. She was not proud of her past. She felt guilty and stupid to damage her brain like that. She blamed those years for the way she felt today. She blamed her joblessness on burned brain cells during her late teens and early youth. If only she knew and understood back then what she realized now.
Today, she was reluctant to even take pills when she had a headache. She did not drink coffee. She felt that if she drunk coffee everyday, the day she could not drink a cup of coffee she would have a monster headache. Caffeine did that to her. She still drank alcohol though. That night with Martin she had really enjoyed the wine, but she felt guilty because of it; it was cheating on her diet.
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| Lindsay's violet flower. Photo by Elena |
In addition to depression she had a comorbid eating disorder, namely anorexia nervosa. She didn’t eat much, was usually avoiding alcohol and compulsively counted calories. Her diet contained mostly lean protein and vegetables, she didn’t even eat fruit or drink juice.
She was of average weight when she started obsessively dieting, but she wanted to be thin like models: with the thigh gap, hip bones and a completely flat stomach. As per experts on the subject, losing weight was simple albeit not easy: you just have to consume less calories than you spend. But that was much easier said than done.
See also:
See also:
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| Lindsay's romantic presentation. Photo by Elena |
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| Lindsay's feat. Illustration by Elena |
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